Writing a good pitch

 

I've been querying my debut novel for little over a week now, and I'm thinking my hook and pitch aren't strong enough to really grab the attention of a literary agent and could use some feedback.

Part of the problem is that my story has a bit slice-of-life. There's no fantastical element, no sci-fi, no world-building. It's contemporary and realistic fiction. But it's a story that means a lot to me and deals with issues that young people can certainly relate to. How do I put that in a pitch that will make it stand out from other slice-of-life books already out on shelves?

This is the pitch I've used thus far: "A gay former-jock must tackle parental expectations and high school shipping culture while dealing with distractions of old hobbies and new flames."

Boring, I know. It doesn't convey the emotional turmoil he's dealing with or the stakes of the decisions he must make throughout the book. But how do I summarize all the tension of a 79K word book into one sentence?

"Setting himself up for the future his mother envisions wasn't in his plans for his sophomore year of high school, neither was coming out of the closet, but expectations at home and pressures at school mean difficult decisions must be made, and soon."

Better?

Ugh. Why does this have to be so hard?