Writing a good pitch

 

I've been querying my debut novel for little over a week now, and I'm thinking my hook and pitch aren't strong enough to really grab the attention of a literary agent and could use some feedback.

Part of the problem is that my story has a bit slice-of-life. There's no fantastical element, no sci-fi, no world-building. It's contemporary and realistic fiction. But it's a story that means a lot to me and deals with issues that young people can certainly relate to. How do I put that in a pitch that will make it stand out from other slice-of-life books already out on shelves?

This is the pitch I've used thus far: "A gay former-jock must tackle parental expectations and high school shipping culture while dealing with distractions of old hobbies and new flames."

Boring, I know. It doesn't convey the emotional turmoil he's dealing with or the stakes of the decisions he must make throughout the book. But how do I summarize all the tension of a 79K word book into one sentence?

"Setting himself up for the future his mother envisions wasn't in his plans for his sophomore year of high school, neither was coming out of the closet, but expectations at home and pressures at school mean difficult decisions must be made, and soon."

Better?

Ugh. Why does this have to be so hard?

Welcome to the world of the Query

Apparently, there is an art to sending out query letters to literary agents. I haven't quite figured out what that art is just yet. I sent out my first wave of queries a few days ago and have already received a handful of "no thank you"s. Not surprising. I'm a nobody with no social media presence, and my manuscript needs editing help. But that's why I'm reaching out to them - to get the editing help my novel needs to prepare it for publication. There's only so much advice my beta readers can give me.

So, how do I get a literary agent to bite the hook that I've sent out? How do I make the bait more enticing?

The query letter is where you set the stage. It should certainly be personalized to the agent you're contacting. Researching their current client list is a good start - letting them know how your work will fit with what they already sell. If they've posted a wish list somewhere, show that you've read it and tell them how your work meets those wishes.

Next comes the hook. Think of any book you've picked up off the shelf at a bookstore. Something about the title or cover image has caught your eye. What's the first thing you do? Flip it over and read the back cover to see what the book is about. That's the hook. That's how you catch a reader, and it's how you catch a literary agent. Or at least get them to keep reading your query.

A lot of submission instructions ask for an author bio. They want to know about your writing creds. Technically, I don't have any. All I can say is that I'm college educated, neurodivergent, and a member of the LGBTQIA+ alphabet gang. Diversity is usually a welcome addition for debut authors, so you want to list out what makes you different.

Then comes the "sample" ... bum bum bum! They want to see your actual writing. Five pages. Ten pages. I just did one that asked for 25 pages. They want to get a feel for the story you're trying to sell them, your style of writing, your voice. 

I love my story. I love my characters. I tried so hard to bring my characters to life on the page. But did I do a good job? Is the story good enough? Is this the part of the query when I lose their interest? That's my fear. I can work on the query letter. I can work on drafting a better hook. But the novel is about as polished as I can get it on my own. I can edit it until my fingers bleed into my computer keys, but all I'm doing at this point is moving commas and trading out one word for another. If my work isn't evocative enough or my characters aren't likeable, I need someone to tell me so that I know what to fix.

I wish the agents that rejected me would tell me where I lost them. Give me something to go from! At this point, all I can do is guess ... and stress.

*sigh*