Writing a good pitch

 

I've been querying my debut novel for little over a week now, and I'm thinking my hook and pitch aren't strong enough to really grab the attention of a literary agent and could use some feedback.

Part of the problem is that my story has a bit slice-of-life. There's no fantastical element, no sci-fi, no world-building. It's contemporary and realistic fiction. But it's a story that means a lot to me and deals with issues that young people can certainly relate to. How do I put that in a pitch that will make it stand out from other slice-of-life books already out on shelves?

This is the pitch I've used thus far: "A gay former-jock must tackle parental expectations and high school shipping culture while dealing with distractions of old hobbies and new flames."

Boring, I know. It doesn't convey the emotional turmoil he's dealing with or the stakes of the decisions he must make throughout the book. But how do I summarize all the tension of a 79K word book into one sentence?

"Setting himself up for the future his mother envisions wasn't in his plans for his sophomore year of high school, neither was coming out of the closet, but expectations at home and pressures at school mean difficult decisions must be made, and soon."

Better?

Ugh. Why does this have to be so hard?

Reading Aloud

I've heard it said that you should read your work out loud at least once during the editing process. It helps to catch repetitive sounds, over-used words, awkward or overlong sentences, etc. I'd never tried it until today, but I'm finding I like this technique.

One reason for reading aloud that I haven't heard discussed is the fact that it slows you down and forces you to focus on each word throughout the story, beginning to end. I think I have a bad habit when rereading my work of just going too fast. I know what happens, so my eyes start skimming over the passages and I lose track of what it is I'm supposed to be editing. Speaking the words makes me pace myself and give just as much attention to chapter 12 as I gave to chapter 2. 

There's an unexpected downside to reading a 79K word book out loud, though. At least for a heavily introverted person such as myself. My voice isn't used to talking this much! I'm barely halfway through and my throat is incredibly sore. I've had two cups of tea, two cups of coffee, and a bunch of water, but nothing has managed to soothe my throat enough that I can continue for the day.

*sigh*

I'll probably have to save the other half of the book for tomorrow, or risk losing my voice for a week. I wouldn't mind losing my voice if I didn't happen to have a day-job that requires human interaction. No one at the office knows I'm trying to get published, and I'd like to keep it that way for now. Explaining that I lost my voice from editing my manuscript will lead to a conversation I'm not ready for. Though, that's a post for another day.

Getting ahead of myself

 

I'm still in the process of editing book 1 in my series, and I've already started writing draft 2 of book 3! Why am I doing this to myself? It's distracting me from doing the work that I need to be doing right now.

And yet, it's not.

There were things I didn't realize I needed to include in book 1 until I started writing books 2 and 3. There were relationships I needed to set up and characters I needed to introduce. Things that were relevant to later parts of the story that I didn't want to just show up out of nowhere. I've read some book series (that shall remain nameless) that made the mistake of not introducing a very important plot point until the last book. It was jarring. Any attempt to figure out where the story was going was dashed by the late arrival of new information. I don't want to do that to my readers.

I try to at least outline my stories before I write them. But my outlines tend to get ignored by my characters. They take the story where they want it to go and I have to scramble to keep up. Once I know where the story is going, then I can go back and set it up so it makes sense to the reader. Sometimes that means going all the way back to the beginning (book 1) to set up something important that happens much later on (book 3).

I just started querying literary agents with book 1 of my potential 6 book series. Days after I sent out my first query letter, I realized what the major conflict would be for book 3 - something I'd been struggling with for over a year. Now I'm looking back at my already submitted manuscript to see if there's anything I need to change in order to set things up just right. Maybe I jumped the gun with sending out queries. I know I have time to change the manuscript - it hasn't even been accepted by an agent yet, let alone a publisher. I'm glad I have the time to work on it some more. I want readers to enjoy the whole series, not just book 1. It all has to work together.

Proofreading vs. Editing

 

Preparing my manuscript to be submitted to literary agents involved a lot of proofreading. I wanted to show them that I can write clearly and precisely. After all, my day-job involves a lot of attention to detail, so I've gotten used to being exact with my written communications.

But maybe I spent time proofreading - looking through the story for grammatical errors and misplaced commas - and not enough time editing the story for content. Sure, I've fixed scenes that were awkward or more exposition than action. I made sure the characters that are supposed to be likeable are likeable. Now I'm worried that I overlooked something rather important to storytelling.

My writing has always been very action driven. I have a lot of dialogue, I show my main character's internal conflict through self-narration. But I don't do a whole lot of scene setting. Unless it's relevant to the action, I tend not to mention what anyone's wearing or the physical layout of spaces. I very seldom include scent. When writing the manuscript, I was so focused on explaining to the reader what happens, I'm not sure I did enough work on describing where it was happening. Will a reader be able to see the world I've created.

I'm not sure, and I'm not sure it my minimal descriptions hurt my storytelling.

I currently have 15 queries out in the world, waiting to see what literary agents have to say about my writing. I'm not going to send out any more queries until I go through my manuscript with a descriptive eye. Can a reader see what I see? I know the story so well. I can see every scene in my mind. I know what people look like, how their voice sounds, what they wear. Will a reader get enough of that to have a vivid experience of the story themselves? That's what I want to focus on right now. How vivid is my writing?

Welcome to the world of the Query

Apparently, there is an art to sending out query letters to literary agents. I haven't quite figured out what that art is just yet. I sent out my first wave of queries a few days ago and have already received a handful of "no thank you"s. Not surprising. I'm a nobody with no social media presence, and my manuscript needs editing help. But that's why I'm reaching out to them - to get the editing help my novel needs to prepare it for publication. There's only so much advice my beta readers can give me.

So, how do I get a literary agent to bite the hook that I've sent out? How do I make the bait more enticing?

The query letter is where you set the stage. It should certainly be personalized to the agent you're contacting. Researching their current client list is a good start - letting them know how your work will fit with what they already sell. If they've posted a wish list somewhere, show that you've read it and tell them how your work meets those wishes.

Next comes the hook. Think of any book you've picked up off the shelf at a bookstore. Something about the title or cover image has caught your eye. What's the first thing you do? Flip it over and read the back cover to see what the book is about. That's the hook. That's how you catch a reader, and it's how you catch a literary agent. Or at least get them to keep reading your query.

A lot of submission instructions ask for an author bio. They want to know about your writing creds. Technically, I don't have any. All I can say is that I'm college educated, neurodivergent, and a member of the LGBTQIA+ alphabet gang. Diversity is usually a welcome addition for debut authors, so you want to list out what makes you different.

Then comes the "sample" ... bum bum bum! They want to see your actual writing. Five pages. Ten pages. I just did one that asked for 25 pages. They want to get a feel for the story you're trying to sell them, your style of writing, your voice. 

I love my story. I love my characters. I tried so hard to bring my characters to life on the page. But did I do a good job? Is the story good enough? Is this the part of the query when I lose their interest? That's my fear. I can work on the query letter. I can work on drafting a better hook. But the novel is about as polished as I can get it on my own. I can edit it until my fingers bleed into my computer keys, but all I'm doing at this point is moving commas and trading out one word for another. If my work isn't evocative enough or my characters aren't likeable, I need someone to tell me so that I know what to fix.

I wish the agents that rejected me would tell me where I lost them. Give me something to go from! At this point, all I can do is guess ... and stress.

*sigh*

#ReadyToPubish ... dear gods help me

What little kid doesn't dream of being a published author some day? At least for a moment in time. There's probably some out there,  but most of us have had a story in us at some point or another that we wanted to share with the world. The hard part is sitting down, putting one word after another, and bringing the story from theory to actuality.

Well, I did that.

... Now what?

Oh, yeah. Get published.

Yikes!

The story that finally came out of me is not profound. It's not life changing. It may never be a best seller or turned into a movie. But I love it. I love my characters. I love the struggles they experience and how they overcome them. And, possibly most important of all, I loved writing them into existence. I loved spending hours upon hours staring at blank notebook pages and willing my characters to tell me what happens next. It really is their story, I'm just the one lucky enough to get to put it on paper.

But now I have the daunting task of trying to get published. Terrifying, I know. Anyone know a good literary agent that works with YA novels of the LGBTQIA+ variety? No? Didn't think so. Ah, well. I'll keep looking. Wish me luck!